Another Class Started!

I had the first day of my other class today. This one has only 12 students, so I was expecting that it would be more interactive--I speak, students respond ... But students were quiet. I tried to make them laugh to break the ice. They laughed. But soon, the atmosphere chilled down. Mm ... I didn't feel comfortable. I started wondering how much they understood my English, which is really bad because that is a sign that I lost my confidence in myself. But I had to keep talking. I included jokes here and there, students laughed, and the atmosphere chilled down soon. Damn.

One hour and 20 minutes passed, and the lecture ended. I was not feeling well because I couldn't make myself comfortable in class. I started wrapping up. Then, a couple of students came to me and told me that they were excited about this class. Wow. I was surprised because I didn't get that impression from them during the lecture. I appreciate that they are interested in my class. But at the same time, their expectations gave me great pressure. I'm overwhelmed, thinking if I can live up to their expectations ... Ahhh, I'm sure that I will be worn out by the end of this term ...

School Started!

Today was the first day of being an adjunct. Ahhhh, I was seriously nervous and overwhelmed until this morning. But I'm glad that I'm kid-sitting at DS's. EB, DS's 12-year-old daughter, cheered me up before she left for school this morning. She's such a sweet girl. And I felt it's really nice to have someone at home who I can talk about my situation.

So, I went to school. A little nervous, but I was pretty calm by when I went into the classroom. About 80 student were attending. I started talking and tried to make them laugh to relax the atmosphere. I got good responses. They seemed to pay attention to me, laughed and responded to my questions. There are some students who speak their opinions, which is good. I'm glad to see students enjoying my lecture.

But after I finished class, I was totally exhausted. I was thirsty. I asked BB, my teaching assistant, for coffee. Again, I felt it's pretty nice to have someone to chat. BB is my teaching assistant, but he has the good amount of teaching experience. I'm embarrassed to give lectures in front of him. But he seems not to care of what I'm feeling.

Today's lecture was a success, I guess. But now I'm scared, thinking that I have to maintain this energy level and preparation in order to keep entertaining students. I spent a lot of my energy and time to prepare for today's lecture. I can't keep doing the same for 10 weeks. I will be burned out.

More Cat Photos

I know my recent posts are all about cats that I'm cat-sitting. How many cats are here? At least 7 including inside and outside cats. The black and white and this fluffy creature are inside cats, meaning they spend some time outside during the daytime but stay inside at night.

The black and white is very friendly, but this fluffy creature was pretty shy in the beginning. But soon he got used to my presence, and now he comes to me, chafing against my leg. He doesn't mew, but he quietly asks me to pat. He's adorable.


He always takes some time before he goes out and comes in, as if he were thinking, "To go or not to go, that's the question."

Healing?

I feel like being healed, looking at these peaceful, care-free creatures. I thought I was more a dog person, but cats are not bad at all.

Fog

Wow, it's foggy this morning. A foggy morning means a sunny afternoon? But it doesn't seem to be sunny. It's totally cloudy. Ahhh, the summer is fading away.

Fluffy Creature

Look at this creature! So care-free, peaceful and fluffy. He even didn't wake up when I took a photo of him. I wish I was able to have this sound sleep.

Rated!

Oh, my Buddha! I found that I was rated by a student on Rate My Professors.com. Of course, s/he rated me badly, damn.

I'm pretty sure that I will be totally fed up with teaching by the end of the fall term. School starts next Monday. I've been overwhelmed, nervous and anxious. Ahhhh, I just want to escape from this reality.

Belknap Hot Springs

DS family invited me to Belknap Hot Springs. They are camping the whole weekend, but I just visited as a day trip.

Belknap is a very peaceful place with the sound of the water (McKenzie River). Oh, I love the sound of the water, which is really tranquil and soothes my feeling. It was totally relaxing by soaking my feet in hot springs, playing card games, sitting by the camp fire, and more. Huh, I don't want to think that school will start soon, sigh.


On the way home, I was scared. I was running out of gas! That was close to the end of the trip. But I was really scared because I couldn't find a gas station. Of course, I was driving a mountain road. I found the first gas station, but it turned out closed, geez. So, I had to drive several more miles. I was so relieved when I saw traffic lights (you know, you don't come across traffic lights while driving mountain roads). Automatically, I thought there must be a gas station. I was right! There was 76. Thank Buddha! I had my car pumped up and safely drove home. Phew, that was close.

Peaceful ...

She is so peaceful. Looking at her, I feel like what I'm upset about (which is classes that I will teach next term) is ridiculous. I can't sleep well, my skin breaks, and gray hair increases, thinking about classes, ugh. Ridiculous. She is like, "Take it easy, human. Who cares?!" Cat ...