There was the fourth session with my counselor. I told him about anxiety which I always feel in the first week of every term. This term, there is another big issue: He is in the same class.
I told my counselor about how I felt in class. Well, simply put, I was upset. Though I tried to think, "It's just a beach ball, it's just a beach ball ...," it was not easy to control my mind or get rid of him from my mind. Actually, he has stayed in my mind since then, damn it.
I went like, "Yeah, doctor, I know I should not fight with this beach ball, right? I should observe and accept it ...," and then he cut in, saying "Don't say should." "Should" makes you feel obligated, pushes you to the edge, narrows your perspective and has other negative effects on your mind. I am always impressed by his reasonable explanation. He also told me to change the way of thinking by simply switching "should" with "would like to." That is, I could think my situation in the class in the way like, "I would like to accept my situation. I see him there. Oh, I'm upset, but I would like to understand my feeling instead of trying to get rid of it. Then as time goes by, this uncomfortable feeling becomes less and less ..."
Mm, interesting, isn't it? If I consulted with a psychologist when I was much younger, I would have chosen to be a psychologist as my career.